Sunday, Day 1:

Two weeks into 26 and I’m starting my first cleanse.  I think I found the easiest seven-day cleanse, which is referred to as the Cabbage Soup Diet

Fortunately, the title doesn’t proceed it’s name.  I am allowed to eat more than cabbage soup. In fact, the directions allow you “stuff stuff stuff” with fruits…vegetables…beef…depending on the day.

Traditionally, my Sunday have consisted of watching countless hours of Law and Order…or something else on Netflix while munching on snacks and then rewarding myself with pizza and PBR for fitting in two or three chores within my day

Today, I am allowed to eat as much soup as I want (greeeeat) and as much fruit as I want. I’m a few hours in and I’ve had two bowls of the soup, many many strawberries, a few cherries with a glass of water and tea (unsweetened).  Eventually I went to the store because I got antsy and bought a giant jug of water.

What do I want? Whiskey.  I’ve been watching Mad Men all day and wish I could be like Don Draper (but female…and a little more committed) and just light up a cigg and swirl a drink pretending to work (or do chores).

Monday, Day 2:

Today I am allowed to eat all the veggies and soup that I want!  The only problem is that I’m not a HUGE veg-O.

Sure, I keep carrots, celery and frozen lima beans in the house, but the cleanse says to stay away from beans and corn, and because I’m not able to put any condiments (ie. peanut butter/ranch) on my anything, I’m basically stuck with carrots for the day. I did, however, find out that I’m allowed to have black coffee (yay)!

I couldn’t stomach the thought of eating cabbage for breakfast, so I skipped it and just stuck with the coffee.  I had carrots around 10am.  Being a work really does help.  I packed about 3 cups of soup and let me tell you, I have managed to spill about 1/2 a cup all over myself.  What is my problem?!

soup stain

Tonight I am allowed to eat a large potato with butter which I bought on my lunch break.  I’m going to go to the gym, but that’s never really a challenge on Mondays.  I’m always pretty motivated on Mondays; however, I am eager to see if I hate the world coming up on Wednesday when all I can eat is cabbage soup, skim milk and bananas. Bleck!

On another note, I’m pretty shocked at the few amount of times I’ve gone to the bathroom.  Not to jinx myself, but I went several times yesterday, except it was for fluid purposes.  I guess only time will tell.

Tuesday, Day 3:

Part one (recap from Day 2)– It’s about an hour after my lunch time on Day 3 and I’m doing well. I had an orange and coffee for breakfast and I feel like I’ve been munching on soup and cherries all day today.

Last night I went to the gym and did my normal routine which included a 10 min warm up, strength training (legs) and then a 20 min cool down.  I was fine through the warm up and then towards the end of my lunges I started to get dizzy and had to have someone escort me to the podium to put my head between my legs (old school style).  It was incredibly embarrassing, but I ended up chugging a bunch of water and slowly walking on the treadmill for about more 10 minutes to finish out the workout-I ain’t no quitter!

I probably should have eaten more throughout the day.  As mentioned, I’m not a big Veg-o, but I probably could have forced myself to eat some broccoli or a spinach salad.  I think anything would have been better but the 3 cups of soup and 2 carrots I ate.  In all honesty, I haven’t really been that hungry; neither today or yesterday.  Could this be a sign that it’s working?

Part two– It’s 8:30pm.  I skipped the gym after my fiasco yesterday I thought it would be a good idea to take a 24-hour break.  There’s always tomorrow.

Today, I went to the store to pick up my bananas, milk and amo for my 38 special.  I figure that if I don’t lose any weight from this I’ll just shoot myself in the leg, wait for it to get infected and then they can amputate it…that’s probably a good 15-20 lbs, right?  How much does a human leg weigh?  I’m kidding; we are going to the range on Saturday and I wanted to get my bullets before they jack the prices up again.

I also picked up a spaghetti squash and had a little less than half for dinner.  I’m proud to say that I’ve broken the cleanse yet, but I also haven’t eaten too much soup.  I had about three cups at work today; I had about four to five cups yesterday and Sunday.  I was going to try and have another cup, but I’m so damn full!

Still haven’t gone to the bathroom in over 48 hours.  I took a laxative about 30 minutes ago; hopefully, that’s all I need to get some motion in the ocean.

Wednesday, Day 4:

Bananas and Milk; oh how I’ve awaited your disgusting arrival.  Maybe I overreacted about day four.  I do like bananas…but to eat up to eight? I ended up eating six bananas today, a quart of skim milk (gross) and three bowls (or coffee mugs) of cabbage soup. Seems like a lot when it’s all written down.

I finally started to feel the “cleansing” party of this seven-day trial around  lunch.  I tried going to the gym, but only lasted about 20 minutes until I had to spend some QT time with the toilet.

Tomorrow is steak day! YAY!

Thursday, Day 5:

Today I eat steak!  I’m allowed up to 20 oz’s of beef chicken or fish and up to 6 tomatoes.  After eating all those bananas and milk yesterday, I am finding it hard to stay full.  I’m running low on soup, so I only had one cup (or mug) full so I can save some for the weekend, but I fear I will run out.

I broiled some steaks last night and packed them as a snack and I also bought a carton of grape tomatoes which are sweeter than I remember, but still good.

Jeremy is preparing me a steak dinner with baked cherry tomatoes.  I am very excited how this will turn out.  OK, I have to go pee…again.

Friday, Day 6:

Part one (recap of Day 5…and some thoughts on aprons)-Well, I ran out of soup last night. I went to the store and cooked about half a batch.  I’m sure that I’ll eat more during the next week.  I’ve actually acquired a taste for it as long as it’s spicy.

Last night I cooked another batch of soup and made some meatballs for tomorrow.  I also washed clothes and did the dishes…twice.  I felt very domestic by the time 9pm rolled around; not sure if it was because of all the chores I did or because I was wearing an apron while doing them.  O yeah, I forgot to mention that I wear aprons now.  I never thought I’d realize the purpose of an apron, but one day I did and found they actually have come to be quite handy.

Part two-Today is beef and veggie day.  I am allowed to eat as much beef, vegetables and unsweetened juice as I want.  I skipped the juice and substituted with water. Ground beef (my meatballs) totally dried me out today.

I started my day with a bowl of soup around 10am and then munched on some meatballs and tomatoes (technically a fruit-whoops).  Then I had some jerky and baby carrots.  I love carrots.  Apparently they are considered a “negative calorie” vegetable because they burn more calories while they are digesting that what they actually have in them.  Plus I feel full just after eating a handful.

Tonight it was everything I could do not to make a quick left hand turn to the liquor store and purchase a bottle of Pino Noir.  EVERYTHING I COULD DO.

Fridays=”my days.” I normally would stop at the store on my way home and pick up a Lean Cuisine and a bottle of red and just watch loads of TV.  Normally, Jeremy (fiancee) is also out and about which leaves me home alone to indulge in SSB (strange single behavior)*. Basically, I strip down to my underwear, put on a pore minimizing facial mask and shout out the (mostly wrong) answers to reruns of Jeopardy. Please note this does not happen when Jeremy is  around.  I’m still a weird-o, I just don’t do the above mentioned.

Tonight I’m will not participate in such behavior.  In fact, I will be cleaning.  We have house guests this weekend so it works out quite nicely. For dinner: soup, spaghetti squash and if I’m still hungry I have a couple of left over meatballs.

*See Sex and the City; Season Four; Episode 13.

Saturday, Day 7:

Day seven was worse than yesterday.  We went out to the range and after handling multiple guns all morning, all I wanted to do was order a beer at a bar.

I ended up going out both for lunch and dinner and as breadbaskets were passed around and bacon cheeseburgers were consumed right next to me, I opted to the salad bar both times.

Today I’m allowed as much brown rice and veggies as I want.  I didn’t eat more than two servings of the brown rice because it was so filling, but with all the salad bars and steamed veggies I definitely got my fill for fiber.


Final weigh in this morning: 6 lbs.  Not quite the 10 that I was hoping for but I’ll take what I can get.

I understand that this was probably just water weight or bile, but it’s nice to know that I was actually able to do it, survive it and actually have lost some weight.

I feel like now is the time for a fresh start.  I have a ton of leftover soup, so I’ll probably squeeze that in between meals and something I learned during the week is eating high fruits and veggies and low carbs and no booze sure does save when it comes to the bank.