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This weekend I had the privilege (yes privilege) to watch the 1994 version of Little Women starting Winona Ryder.  I think I was 11 or 12 when I read the book and then I remember watching the movie in class…or during a “bonding moment” with my mom…or both.

I had forgotten how emotional the tale of Little Women was.  Sad, funny, romantic, revolutionary…sad again.  I also had forgotten how cute Christian Bale was in 1994.  I always found it odd that Hollywood selected Christian Bale to play Theodore Laurence, especially when reading the book I always imagined him as awkward looking; maybe with red hair and freckles. Even if the book described him differently, I had my own version of Theodore Laurence aka “Teddy “aka “Laurie” and it didn’t involve the future Batman star.

So after I wiped my eyes from the “sudden” death of Beth March (which is always sudden because when you watch the movie you always expect her to die about an hour before she actually does), I began to pull apart each character of the March family and apply them to the current world…sort of a who’s who in the real world and here’s what I’ve got so far:

Meg March
Meg is that typical older(est) sister.  She’s known as the one who steals all the thunder because she’s smarter, more modest and somehow she never had terrible acne or at some point resembled a boy.   Meg March is today’s Kate Middleton…and 1999’s Jessica Simpson.  You know the type.  They spend their young-adult years pretending to put their siblings first and mom favors them for it…and sometimes so does dad (ew).

Jo (Josephine) March
Jo March is the tomboy rascal type and always has been the a quasi trouble maker.   She makes everyone do weird things they don’t want to like play doctor or sneak into mom’s liquor cabinet.  Her perks are that she’s incredibly smart and if the Women’s Suffrage Movement had happened already and a couple of thousands of years had passed, she’s probably be Secretary of State. Today she would definitely stand toe to toe with Hillary Clinton or former Sassy editor Jane Pratt…depending on whether her parents were senators or hippies.

Beth March
She’s meek and she dies too young.  If Nikki Hilton dies at the hand of Scarlet Fever.she’d be perfect…or maybe the Olsen Twins.

Amy March
I don’t know if any of you have a sibling who is dramatically younger, but you can probably compare Amy March to that annoying little dork.  I have a brother who is seven years my junior and I used to make him wear make up and dresses; not exactly the same as having a sister, but close.  Amy March is pretty bratty until she’s a teenager when her rich old aunt decides to send her to Paris (yea-apparently “baby of the family fortune” started during the Abolition Movement).  Amy March ends up marrying the man who had a fling with her older sister-totally inappropriate.  I don’t think I need to compare this character to anyone because there are just too many bratty baby sisters (and brothers) in this world who have it made.  If that’s not good enough for you, I’m sure one of the Kardashians have stolen a boy from the other at some point. Total bitch move.

See, things really haven’t changed since 1868…or from 1994, except for bustles and crew cuts, both of which are totally unacceptable.