I have very few single girlfriends left. My closest and best girls are all engaged, married, or have been dating their guy for a very long time. We have similar stories of passing the toilet paper through the door to our significant others and complaints of him leaving his clothes on the floor when “he’s done with that outfit,” but the conversations with my single girlfriends are far more intriguing.
I get to hear about the wonderful new guy at the gym who looks perfect in his Under Armour workout gear and about his flirty winks he is so eager to give. But better than Mr. Workout Perfect, I also get to hear about the horrible dates; which honestly, are not only wonderfully entertaining but incredibly encouraging for me (as a far from single girl).
I recently had dinner with “K”, my absolutely gorgeous half Korean/half German girlfriend who would still look stunning in cut-off denim overalls. She’s on the prowl for a man who “has goals, is a workaholic, and knows what he wants from life.” Which of course, means she’s dating all bartenders and boys taking a sabbatical from work. For someone that beautiful & intelligent (she recently earned her Master’s at 24), she dates the real idiots of the city.
Her most recent dating excursion with “Mr. Gorgeous, but dumb” landed her in a very vulnerable position.
As women, we usually don’t like men to know how much we burp & that we do in fact, have gas from time to time. Yes, there are exceptions…two of my girlfriends in college didn’t care where we were, they’d let ’em rip no matter what. But for the majority of our lady folk…those things are kept quiet.
“K”, on the other hand presented the perfect solution to covering that pesky flatulence…
Over a few spicy tuna rolls & a fabulous glass of wine, she relayed the events of her date.
“It was great. He seemed really into me & we were having a wonderful date. And then it happened. I farted.”
I think I spit my wine all over the table from laughing so hard.
But here’s the clincher. When I asked what she did or said afterward… “So I kissed him.”
“Did he say anything?” I asked.
“What could he say? I kissed him.”
And it was never brought up again. She had accomplished what all of us strive to…farting in front of a guy & making him forget about it instantaneously.
So the next time you happen to “drop ass” (as the boyfriend calls it) in front of your guy, just kiss him. He’ll be too focused on your front to worry about your rear.